Let's start with the positive.. I got a letter in the mail with a court date for the divorce. I'm hoping it goes smoothly, although, I'm pretty nervous if I'm to be honest. I don't know what to expect and I'm hoping it's a one and done kinda thing. I don't want to have to keep going back to a court to get things finalized. I feel like this has been done and over a long time ago.
Speaking of long time ago.. when I first met X, he was just getting out of a relationship with someone, and she was still lingering when I was talking to him. I actually remember telling him that if he's not done with her, then don't start with me.. or something like that. For the sake of this blog, lets call her BG. So after X and I split, he was hanging out with two other friends who were also getting divorced, one of which, ended up dating BG. Weird to hear she was still around. When X found out about the new couple, he was furious, which was awkward for me... did he still have feelings for her after all these years? Have they been in contact this whole time? I was left to wonder. Well sort of.. I did call him out on it one time during one of his rants about the situation. He claimed there was nothing. This was months ago...let's fast forward to now.
Since I no longer have X on any social media, I have no idea what does or doesn't go on in his life. It was better that way, I suppose. I remember when he first left all the crazy videos that were posted. So anyways, a friend of mine sends me a screenshot from one of X's social media pages. I'm like here we go... after seeing the brand new convertible he bought himself, I could only imagine what was coming next. And there it was... a picture of X and BG out together, sitting at a bar with drinks. There was no caption, just the selfie of the couple.
You know what got me the most? It was the post itself. Not of the who that was in it. I actually called that so long ago, knowing it was bound to happen. So I wasn't surprised at that. What I was surprised of was the actual post. You see, while X and I were together, he was never active on social media, he just kinda had the accounts and watched what everyone else did.. And besides from the sporadic political or sports post, he had no postings. So what irks me the most about this selfie of the couple is the post itself.
X and I were distant for a long while before the breaking point, but there were for sure good times and times we went out and had fun. Did he ever post a single photo of the two of us? No. ..So that's what bothers me. ..So mostly, I assume that post was made to get back to me somehow. Why else would it be there? Do you think he wanted me to see it? Or maybe she wanted me to see it? ...While she was dating our other friend, he also had pictures of the two of them on his social media. Maybe she just likes to be that girl? I don't know.
As for the search for the man of my dreams, no luck there either. I've dated. Basically, I've seen one person since the split, but I had to step back from that because I felt I was headed down the same path. We wanted different things. And he was younger, I don't want to force my dreams on anybody. I shouldn't have to right? I need to find a man who wants the same things as me from the start!
So, story time... I went out to dinner with one of my girlfriends this weekend, then we decided to walk down to a bar and have another drink. As we were sitting there, I decided to download a dating app she told me about. So we're there swiping away and all of the sudden this guy pops up that I recognize. He's someone I've followed on instagram. How random.. So I decided to swipe right! My friend instantly became an FBI agent, and was going through all his social media and checking into him. haha gotta love friends like that! Shout out to my girl ! She's been there for me throughout this whole rollercoaster.
I digress... So the next morning when I woke up and opened my app with the hopes of a message from my IG man, nothing. I was like damn, so I started my own investigation. It took me a little bit to realize how to find him on fb, but when I did, I added him as a friend. When he accepted, as I was messaging my girl throughout the whole thing, I decided to make the first move and say hey. To my surprise, I got a fairly quick response. Yay!
Him and I had a very prolonged chat that whole Sunday. I was like yes! Monday comes, more prolonged chatting. By the end of the night, I wanted to get down to business, so to speak. I asked the dreaded questions like what are you looking for. His response was "I want to seriously date someone. I just don't want to settle either without being sure."
Okay, that sounded great to me. Finally, someone who is mature and not just saying, "show me your titties," like it seems most guys online seem to do, (to which I do NOT oblige btw).
So then on to the next risky question... day 2 and I'm asking these things, I feel like a crazy person. .. so I asked it. The awkward children question. .. You see, this IG guy has a kid already, but I feel at my age, I just need to accept that's gunna happen. So I did (his pics with her seems so damn adorable, it's hard to not wanna squeeze them both). I asked if he wanted to have more kids. ... I had to wait until the next morning (today) to get the answer, because it was so late at night... It was stressful, like did I overstep too quick and make things awkward too fast? What if he doesn't want kids?
I purposely left my phone ringer on, so I could hear when he responded. Good ol 630 this morning I awake to the ding. The ding I've been fearing...
First sentence is "I am having a son next month." Wha-Wha-Whaaaat? He continued by saying "Me and the mom aren't together but we both wante to have our son. But yes I do want kids."
I was literally in bed, wide awake by this answer like what in the actual fuck?! My mind is still blown at the situation. I was getting comfortable and okay with the realization that people my age may have kids already, but having one on the way?! How can I ...I just don't even know. I don't know how to feel right now.
And with that, my ass is gunna be late to work. Gotta get moving.
Forever alone,
PB
